How Many Did You Get?
- Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
- An electron and a positron go into a bar.
Positron: “You’re round.”
Electron: “Are you sure?”
Positron: “I’m positive.”
- Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? When he got the momentum, he couldn’t find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn’t muster up the momentum.
- A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a gin and tonic?” The bartender smiles wryly and replies, “For you, no charge.”
- Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side.
- What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
- A group of scientists protesting:
“What do we want?”.
“When do we want it?”.
- I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone… then it dawned on me.
- Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
- What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
- I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
- “Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.”
- What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
- There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
- A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptized. She kept the other as a control.
- Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!
- An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
- Have you heard about entropy? It ain’t what it used to be.
- Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know where I am.”
- There was an old lady called Wright/ Who could travel much faster than light./ She departed one day/ In a relative way/ And returned on the previous night.