A Compilation of Jokes to Satisfy the Science Nerd within You

A Compilation of Jokes to Satisfy the Science Nerd within You

How Many Did You Get?

Mad Scientist

  • Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
  • An electron and a positron go into a bar.
    Positron: “You’re round.”
    Electron: “Are you sure?”
    Positron: “I’m positive.”
  • Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? When he got the momentum, he couldn’t find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn’t muster up the momentum.
  • A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a gin and tonic?” The bartender smiles wryly and replies, “For you, no charge.”
  • Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side.
  • What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

Dr._Strangelove

  • A group of scientists protesting:
    “What do we want?”.
    “Time travel”
    “When do we want it?”.
    “Irrelevant.”
  • I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone… then it dawned on me.
  • Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
  • What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
  • I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
  • “Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.”
  • What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.

Mad Scientist Bela Lugosi

  • There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
  • A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptized. She kept the other as a control.
  • Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!
  • An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
  • Have you heard about entropy? It ain’t what it used to be.
  • Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know where I am.”
  • There was an old lady called Wright/ Who could travel much faster than light./ She departed one day/ In a relative way/ And returned on the previous night.

 

Sources:

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/dec/29/scientists-favourite-jokes

http://www.jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/sciencejokes.html

http://www.buzzfeed.com/babymantis/20-spectacularly-nerdy-science-jokes-1opu